NaToSaphiX announces retirement: "I believe I could have achieved much more with the tools at my disposal"

The Dane has called time on his playing career and now sets his sights on content creation.

Niels Christian "⁠NaToSaphiX⁠" Sillassen has announced his retirement from competitive Counter-Strike, drawing a close to a career that started almost a decade ago. The Dane turned out for 14 teams throughout his playing days and is most known for representing Sprout and HEROIC before his latter years earned him the reputation of a journeyman player. After he decided to hang up his mouse, the 27-year-old sat down with HLTV to talk about his decision.

"I’ve had consistent heartbreak for a few years now, where broken promises and done deals not happening has been an overwhelmingly common occurrence, to the point of pushing me out of this space," the Dane began his retirement interview. "Every time this has happened, a part of my competitive CS soul has been killed and never returned, which has had huge negative effects on my motivation.

"I have chosen to leave the professional circuit of Counter-Strike not because I don’t love it, because I am unwilling, or because I think I am no longer good enough. I'm leaving Counter-Strike due to the immaturity of the industry when it comes to treating players, something I hope I can take part in changing with a video I’ll be making in the near future.

"I’ve kept the receipts and now that my time as a player is over, I will instead try to push the industry to evolve by shedding light on the things I, and many others, have been too afraid to tell, due to the risk of losing our future," NaToSaphiX said of the main reasons for his decision.

He was also very sincere in the assessment of his playing days and said that he regrets not fulfilling his potential. "I am very happy with the memories, the trophies and the friendships. It upsets me sometimes that my talent and hard work didn’t manage more than it did. It feels bad to say but I think my career has been quite unlucky at times, at least towards the later stages. I look back on my career with pride but also with a hint of disappointment, as I believe I could have achieved much more with the tools at my disposal. I sometimes feel like I’ve let myself down."

Despite negative experiences during his final years in the scene, the Dane has many positive memories from his time as a professional CS player. His memory brought him back to his beginnings in team-based CS when he represented LPSP. "I really set myself the goal of going pro in that team. It was tough at times. I played 17 months unsalaried whilst living away from home, slowly emptying my bank account to the point where I had only a couple of months left. And then Sprout came," NaToSaphiX reminisced.

The German organization was one that the 27-year-old had overwhelmingly positive words about. "In Sprout, I was consistently good over a full year, probably due to the stability of playing in one team for so long. tow b is still one of the greatest people I’ve ever met in my life and his guidance as a coach still resonates within me to this day. Bringing in my two Danish friends in PERCY and sycrone, who were a very important part of this journey was also incredible. Sprout is one of the few organizations that has always treated me well and is a place I can recommend to any aspiring young player."

When asked when he played his best individual CS, he mentioned the Lyngby Vikings team he represented at the start of 2021. "I was putting up unreal numbers in that team, doing some of the greatest highlights of my career and most importantly playing with a confidence unmatched for me. Playing under an IGL like birdfromsky was incredibly easy and somewhat successful, even with limited practice, which helped me a lot with my performances."

The conversation then transitioned to his favorite moments during his career, and he first mentioned his appearance at the FACEIT Europe Minor. His Sprout team flawlessly progressed through the groups with wins against Kinguin and Ninjas in Pyjamas and needed just one more victory to make the Major. "The fact that we failed to do that still hurts but it was an unforgettable experience for sure," says NaToSaphiX.

Another incredible event for the Dane was cs_summit 5, where he stood in for a MOUZ team that ended the grand final with coach Allan "⁠Rejin⁠" Petersen on the roster. Despite their shortcomings, MOUZ were able to best G2 in the final to secure NaToSaphiX's biggest title. "I don't feel like this one needs any explanation," he jokingly said.

Stories like his cs_summit triumph earned him the title of "professional stand-in" on the forums. "I absolutely love it," said NaToSaphiX about the meme. "It makes me happy how even if I never accomplished nearly as much as the legends of CS, I do still have a place somewhere in the more unimportant parts of CS lore. I would hope that the meme can live on even in CS2 because it never fails to make me smile."

Not every experience in his career was a great one, though. NaToSaphiX found himself in a rough spot after he left Sprout in December of 2018 as the organization returned to a German roster. "I haven’t exactly kept it a secret but my life after Sprout was horrific, far and away the worst period of my life. When Heroic approached me and asked if I would be willing to join their team, there was only one answer, and that was yes. But inside I was deeply depressed and unsuited for professional play, which I think was showing in my performances.

"I would have never forgiven myself for turning down the Heroic offer, I just wish it would have come at a better time. Heroic inquired about my buyout in April 2018 and I imagine my career could have looked very differently if I would have taken the step up at a time where my mental was in a better place," NaToSaphiX said about his stint in HEROIC, with whom he achieved his highest placing in the world rankings at No. 14.

NaToSaphiX was never able to return to his previous heights after his removal from HEROIC. He went on to represent Nordavind, Lyngby Vikings, GORILLAZ, Complexity, undefined, and Ambush in under four years and failed to find a long-term home to regain his form. "Lack of stability is the big reason, for sure," he began to describe why his last few years as a professional player didn't go to plan. "My teams had no organization and thus no contracts, which means anyone could leave at any time or the organizations would close shortly after signing us.

"For someone like me, I would always need a couple of months before finding my best form and to get used to team CS again. It pains me, because every meeting I went to and every team I talked to after my tenure in Nordavind, my main priority was stability and longevity, as I think those are two very important components in winning."

After he announced his retirement from professional play, NaToSaphiX set his eyes on content creation, something that has been a positive experience for him in recent times. "It’s refreshing to do something that is still Counter-Strike but without the stress and pressure of being a professional player. Being a content creator right around the release of the CS2 beta and the “full release” means I’ve been able to highlight some of the negatives of the new game, which I hope can expedite the process of making the game as perfect as can be.

"With content creation, all of my interactions with other people are positive, be that in my Twitch chat, my YouTube comments, or when playing with other streamers. There are very few dull moments and almost never any bad vibes, which is a stark contrast to competing in CS, where emotions are amplified by the competitive nature."

He finished off the interview with a heartwarming story about the profound impact Counter-Strike had on his life. "I owe my life to Counter-Strike, in a sense. Everything I own, almost everyone I know and every lesson I’ve learnt is through Counter-Strike. I want to help people improve, make people smile, work the desk at events and share the burning passion I have for Counter-Strike with people in the audience and at home. I'm not leaving Counter-Strike or esports any time soon and I'm ecstatic about the next parts of my journey."